Any ideas?
I have a friend that i see approx 2-3 times/year and for a while have suspected that she is having difficulty TTC. Ske got married 6 months before me and i know she had a hysteroscopy(?sp) about 4 years ago but after that i got pregnant and the topic has been officially off limits ever since. I know she has had a couple of weeks off sick from work every 6 months or so and was off for over a month in Jan (my 1st thought was no no she's mc) and when we met last week mentioned that she had an appointment the following day that would mean she would probably be off work the following week but when i asked why she changed the subject. I realise it could be absolutely anything but part of me really believes its a TTC issue. I want so much to help but there seems no way in. What should i do? Does the time off etc fit in with TTC treatment or am i just barking up the wrong tree?? Any advice? Thanks Lizzie

I would say it's a strong posibility. Why don't you email her a link to this site? Just say it's a brilliant site where lots of support can be found. She'll either reply saying she's not TTC or she may just reply thanking you. xx

Hi It certainly sounds like it could fit with treatment.... seems odd that she wouldn't tell you why she would need some time off. It sounds like it would be something very personal to not mention it. (Although come to think of it there's quite a few times I'v e not wanted to admit what I'm going to the docs for eg stress, thrush to name but two!) Could you perhaps drop in the conversation about someone from work or something that is undergoing fertility treatment.... just some kind of mini white lie to broach the subject and see what response you get? I know I didn't talk about it at all for at least the first 18 months and actually only then because I m/c and needed some support. After that I found it easier to talk about it and now don't mind at all really. (Obviously don't broadcast it.) Good luck anyway! Minni x

As we are (probably) soon to be going down the IVF route, we were discussing whether it would be easier to tell a few people what's going on, or whether we would want to keep it a complete secret. If we decide to keep it a secret, I would not want anyone, however close a friend they might be, trying to persuade me to talk to them about the treatment, or sending me links to 'useful' websites. If I wanted to tell that friend, I would tell them. Otherwise, I would hope that they would leave me to it, other than perhaps offering any support in a very general way. I would advise you not to raise the subject at all - but just be there for your friend. Just my opinion though! Rosie x

I'm afraid I agree with Rosie, it seems as if your friend wants to keep whatever is happening to herself and you should respect that. You are obviously a caring friend, but the best way you can continue to be there for her is to be there however she wants you to be. xx

if you've tried to raise the subject a couple of times and she's batted you away then you need to take your lead from that. she doesn't want to talk about it and that's her prerrogative, so I think you just need to leave the subject alone.

I'm with Lois and the rest of the girls, if you have tried and she is not responding then leave her alone. You have mentioned about it to her and if she wants to talk, then she will. I only talk about this stuff on here and to my sister, my friends, no matter how close, get a 'Oh, we will try someday' answer. They don't need to know the ins and outs of my -*test*-('")s and ovarian health and I would imagine your friend is the same. The hardest people to talk about these things are the friends with children (especially small kids!) so don't be offended and just be her friend! It's hard when you just want to be a friend and help in any way you can, but you can only help people who ask for it!

I want to agree with what the other girls have said, if she wanted to talk about it then i am sure she would have continued the conversation. I am the same as Deakie and the only people i talk to about whats going on with us are my dh and my mum. My two bes-*test*-('") friends don't get a look in, and although they know what happened to me back in february i specifically told them i didn't want to talk about it and not to ask me about babies or ttc or anything. They have completely respected that. Everyone is different, one of my friends is a real talker and leans on us when she has troubles. I on the other hand am very private and prefer to deal with things myself. There is no right or wrong way, just what the person in question wants. I am sure she knows you are there and will talk to you about it if she ever feels she needs to. I also agree with Deakie when she said the hardest people to talk to are those with children. You are a lovely friend for being concerned about her and wanting to help though, she is lucky to have a friend like you.