curse you huffy puffy pensioners!!!
let me set the scene: monday afternoon, quaint little village store and post office (with no fecking parking Grrrrr!) i struggle in through the shop doorway with a bulging bag of parcels in one hand and a wriggling toddler in the other. me: yes upsey daisy can have a lolly abigail: no lolly upsy daisy, very naughty girl. FINALLY make it to the back of the shop to the post office que. for once i'm the last one there! no huffy puffy pensioners huffing and puffing behind me because i have four million parcels to send! stand in the que for half an hour. the lady serving is very quick, its the pensioners two steps forward thats taking so long! it takes them three minutes to lift each Gout filled foot the two paces from their place in line to the next. i dont hold this against them though. apart from not having the energy to do so, i'd probably be arrested for GPH (Grievious Pensioner Harm) and then there'd be no one to post the fecking parcels. FINALLY get to the front of the que..an old lady walks in.she looks surprisingly able bodied; i ask her if she'd like to go in front of me, point at the massive bag of parcels and she accepts. shes quite nice actually. talks to abigail for abit, compliments her blonde hair etc. broke thursdays 'P.P.V.R.' (Pensioners Pace Village Record) and got to the desk in under 2 minutes. FINALLY to the front! i'm first and there's no one behind me! i can take as long as i want! WOOHOO!!! i'm chatting to the lady serving about how busy it gets, when suddenly i hear it: *HUFF* i cant believe it! it was like a frigging zombie movie. in the reflection of the glass i see this big looming figure of a creeking old man. huffing and puffing behind me. even abigail is startled and clings to my leg. its only one, i think, he'll just have to wait,. i was here first. the lady serving is almost finished. pensioner: *puff* movement behind me..... pensioner 1: *huff* PENSIONER 2!!!: *puff* like its some sort of greeting. a secret code for lets be impatient. i concentrate on how many parcels there are left..two! woohoo! but it seems for every parcel another TWO huffy puffy pensioners join the que! not only are they huffing and puffing at me, but abigail is so bored shes taken all the prices of the cans of beer...and stauck them on cans of soup! eeek! last parcel, phew! a steam train seems to be going past behind me as the store is filled with huffs and puffs. i also learnt that mildreds cat has died and george's piles have come back. thank god i aquired that information. the receipt is printing! what sweet music to my ears! the lady hands me the receipt and i turn....it seems as though i'm in a PC game...i should be holding a rifle and shootimg at the living dead. then i remember where i am, grab abigail and run! out of the shop! YES! sunlight!! tomorrow: Return of the Pensioner: When Pensioners Attack (i dont mean to offend anyone, i know not all old people are like this, but they are in my village!)

that cheered me up - u had me laughing so much at that

PMSL!

Tilly you are hilarious! Your posts are fab. KT x

:rofl:

ah ha ha ha ha - bloody brilliant!

PS that will be you one day with your incontinance pads and Abigail will be moaning you smell like cats pee :)

:lol1:

omsl..you really should write a book tilly!

i dont have the attention span to write a whole book! maybe a selection of short stories!lol!

:rofl: Just like my post office! Except ours smells of cat widdle!

eeew thats gross!

PMSL our Post Office shut last week, think the Postmaster was more huffy than the customers tbh. I got told off once for arriving too early at 5 past 9, I sarcastically replied that I was so sorry I got mixed up and thought he opened at 9 (he did LOL). Someone else I know asked to post something to S.Africa and he snapped 'what again' - she has a relative there. Needless to say I didnt sign the petition to keep it open and much prefer the PO near Ryans school as they are so much friendlier and appreciate your business.