I suppose I'll start this by introducing myself. I'm Sarah, I'm 35 and I've been married to Paul for 4 years. We live in Derby and we're having tx at BCRM. After 4 years of TTC, 7 cycles of clomid and 3 IUI's, we're about to embark on our 1st IVF attempt. I'm just about to start the first stage of IVF - Down Regulation (DR) which puts my body into false menopause so that my body stops producing reproductive hormones and enables my clinic to 'hijack' my cycle and control it from the outside. This 1st stage of the process starts on CD21 - which for me is Monday 7th July. I'm using Suprecur for this which is a daily injection and I should get my period about 7 days after I start injecting. The whole DR process will take 3 weeks so I'm looking forward to spending the next 3 weeks enduring hot flushes, headaches etc ;o) I hope my diary will be useful to anyone who is considering IVF in the future. Sarah xx So - here starts my journey.

DH and I have been away for a few days - up to Scarborough, Whitby and Newcastle and I'm currently on day 5 of downregging. My first injection was on Monday. As soon as I'd done it - it hit me for the first time - we're having IVF! Its actually a massive thing! Don't get me wrong, the injections don't phase me one bit but its the drugs that I'm pumping into my body, the potential side effects and the scary thought of egg collection - It just made me realise that IUI was an introduction to the delights of assisted conception. Anyway - I'm 5 days in and all I keep thinking is "I hope I'm downregging ok". I'm waiting for AF to arrive and I've be glad when it does. The injection site itches for about half an hour after the jab - but thats it. I don't quite know what I was expecting really!!

CD26 - Day 6 of downregging Tonight I actually did my injection without really thinking about it! The hardest bit for me is deciding where to inject. Its less painful in my stomach, injecting in my thigh hurts but I've got to rotate between the two. I find myself sitting, staring at my stomach and legs choosing a bit. Still not getting any bad side effects - I feel as though I ought to have some - not that I want them but it worries me that with no side effects the drugs aren't doing their job. Anyway - DH and I are back from our trip up north. I so wish I didn't have to go back to work on Monday. DH is going up to John O'Groates on his motorbike with his friend on tuesday until saturday. He's wanted to do this trip for years - I'm praying for good weather for them both. It's unlikely my DH will ever read this but I just want to say ..... "I love you with all my heart, thank you for marrying me, thank you for loving me and thank you for making me so happy. Here's to the rest of our lives together - no matter what". Sarah xxx

CD27 - Day 7 of downregging Tonights injection was different from the rest - am I really analysing everything in such fine detail?? YEP!! After I injected it was quite warm and red. Wierd. Anyway - back to work tomorrow - I just know I'm going to walk into to goodness knows what on my desk. Oh, I so don't want to go! I wish we had millions in the bank so Paul and I could spend our days together doing fun stuff. We definately need more annual leave :o) Other than that, I feel quite chilled - no doubt I'll be climbing the walls next week when Paul's away. Ever since we started this IVF lark - I've become quite thoughtful and ... erm ... clingy?? I just don't want to let Paul out of my sight. I feel quite needy and I don't know why, its just not like me! As for friends - one of the great things about being infertile is I've met some amazing people who I've become very close to! Sometimes I don't know what I'd do without them - they mean more to me than people I've known half my life!! Bev, Karen, Jo, Louisa, Sara, Alison, Ali, Mandy, Anne Marie Vicky & the most gorgeous dragon on the world - Lesley - I love you all dearly. Thats about all for today! Nothing thrilling to report. Sarah xxx

CD28 - Day 8 of downregging You're never going to believe this!! I only forgot to do my injection!! I usually do it between 6:30pm and 7:00pm and I didn't remember till 8:30pm. How could I?? How on earth could I forget?? Oh well - what's done is done I just hope I haven't messed things up. Other than that little faux pas - I think I may have spoken too soon about the side effects. I've had the most awful headache ever today and I just can't shift it. So thats today - I'm such an idiot!!

CD29 - Day 9 of downregging I rang the clinic this morning as I'd got my knickers in a twist about being late with my injection last night. They said that as long as I do it every evening then its fine! She said - just don't do it morning one day and evening the next, keep it to the same time of day. If I'd known that I wouldn't have structured my life in such a bizarre way to make sure I'm home for 6:30pm. Side effects are starting to come along - I'm having major mood swings - happy one minute, sad, tearful, angry or snappy the next. I've had a terrible day at work. I've misread 4 e-mails, keep forgetting where I've put things, whether I've done things - OMG, If I'm like this for the next 3 weeks it's going to be a nightmare!! I went out at lunchtime and bought a small notebook to put in my handbag so I can use it to sort myself out. I've never been so scatty!! My head's pounding, I'm having hot flushes today and I'm sooooo tired!! I'm struggling with getting understanding from my inlaws - they just don't get it!!! They ask me the stupidest questions and it drives me insane!! They have no real interest in us though if the truth be told. When they do ask me a stupid question, I try and answer them but they cut me off and change the subject - Grrrrr, I wish we'd never told them but they were starting to look at me like I was damaged goods but I thought telling them might stop it. Right - I'm off to the gym, will update more later if I get chance xxxx

CD31 - Day 11 of downregging Sorry I didn't update yesterday, crazy day at work, lots to do at home and I just didn't get chance. Well - Day 11 of down regging and AF hasn't arrived yet. I'm assurred this is normal but I do wish she'd hurry up - I just need to know I'm down regging ok! Other than that - nothing at all to report really! I'd read that this stage of IVF was pretty uneventful and it pretty much is. Mind you, I hurt my leg on tuesday night when I injected - its till really sore! Crikey - what will I be like when I'm on 2 injections a day?? Sending my love to you all - Massive hugs to Vicky and Yvonne, hope you're feeling better babe! Jo - I'm starting to feel anxious for you babe, love you to bits Mrs and hope you're having a fab time in France xxxx Sarah

CD32 - Day 12 of downregging I've never had a cycle this long!! Where is AF?? I've just realised that I haven't mentioned the stuff we had to do before IVF. So here goes .... For NHS funded IVF under my PCT I had to be under 40 years old, have a BMI of less than 30 and have no children from my current or from a previous relationship. DH also could not have any children from our current or from a previous relationship. We both had to have -*test*-('")s as follows: Me - CD3 FSH, CD21 Progesterone, Hep B, Hep C, Rubella and HIV. DH - Semen Analysis, Hep B, Hep C and HIV If they're all clear - then its all systems go!! Incidentally, you may remember that sometime someone posted on TTC saying that they'd had a +ve Hep C blood -*test*-('") whilst being screened for IVF ....... It was me. Apologies for going Anon but I was in such a mess I could barely hold myself together .......... so for those of you who missed it - here goes ........ In February DH and I had our bloods done for HIV, Hep B & C. They all came back clear. We went to clinic 4 weeks later to go through everything for our IVF - everything was fine. BUT 2 days later I got a call on my mobile from the clinic to say that the bloods had been re-*test*-('")ed and that they were now +ve for Hep C antibodies. At that point my world fell apart - I've never been so scared in my life!!! I went for more bloods on the Tuesday after the Bank Holiday - it was a DNA -*test*-('") which would tell us whether I'd got either the antibodies which would mean that I'd come into contact with Hep C at some point but that my body had fought it off OR the virus which could mean severe liver damage. It was the worst time of my life!! Waiting to find out whether I'd got a disease which would eventually kill me. It took 4 weeks for the blood -*test*-('") to come back. Anyway - 4 weeks later, the bloods were back and they were NEGATIVE!!! They were negative on both counts - I haven't got the antibodies or the virus and the blood sample that the lab -*test*-('")ed as +ve must have been contaminated. The relief was so huge, I rang DH crying my eyes out!! Thank you to everyone who replied or even who read my Hep C scare - I don't post here often as I tend to use forums specifically for Infertility but I'm thoroughly enjoying writing this blog - its so therapeutic to get my feelings in the open. Thanks Raq for asking me to write this!!! Sarah xxxx I think I've waffled on enough for today.

CD34 - Day 14 of downregging I've had some really sad news today - my friend J has been going though her 4th IVF, she's had a really tough cycle and has been pumped full of drugs that don't come as standard in IVF to try and get a higher chance of it working. She had her blood -*test*-('") this morning and its negative. I'm absolutely heart broken for her. Why don't lovely things happen for lovely people? She's one of the most wonderful, gentle, caring people I've ever met and she deserves so much more than this. Anyway - AF still hasn't arrived. I'm going to ring the clinic if she still hasn't arrived on wednesday as that'll be a week before by baseline scan. Damn this - why are things never straight forward for me?? Can you tell I'm getting impatient?? Sarah xx

CD1 - Day 16 of downregging AF has arrived!!! I can't believe for the first time I ever I'm glad she's here!! At least I can stop worrying that I'm not downregging properly. Unfortunately my Rheumatoid Arthritis has hit me quite badly. I could barely walk this morning and didn't get into work until 11am - it took me 3 hours to get up, showered and dressed!! The first day of a flare always hits me badly - I've had RA for 7 years but it doesn't get any easier to deal with :o( Anyway - onwards and upwards - I've got this damn disease, it ain't gonna go away so I'd just better get used to it! Thats all for today xx

CD2 - Day 17 of downregging TMI but this is the worst AF I've ever had!! I'm usually heavy but this is just a joke!! Needs must eh!!?? My RA seems to have eased up a bit - lets hope hey! Another side effect of downregging is dry eyes! I have dry eyes anyway (comes hand in hand with RA) but I'm seeing my GP about them tomorrow because they're super sore and I don't want to cause any damage. Other than that its all good so far!!

CD5 - Day 20 of downregging Sorry I've not updated for a few days - to be honest, I've felt odd and not myself! I'll try and explain how I feel ... I feel so, so tried - I've never felt this tried in my life and I feel really low. I can't face people right now, I can't be bothered to talk to anyone, don't want to go to work and I just want to stay at home. If this is the way Suprecur makes you feel - then its not pleasant at all!! I'm hoping it is the drugs and that I'll snap out of this soon enough. I can hand on my heart say - this is the hardest thing I've ever done. I think I need a proper holiday. Oh - but I can't book anything can I because my whole life is on hold!! I'm a proper ray of sunshine aren't I. Sarah xx

CD6 - Day 21 of downregging I want to start this entry of my blog by saying a really big thank you to Linzi and Deakie. You're both stars!! You'll all be glad to hear that I feel a bit better today. Maybe it was that massive rant yesterday LOL!! I can't believe I've got my baseline scan on wednesday - the time actually seems to have flown by and if I've downregged ok I'll only have 2 weeks more of injections to do! Now, you'd think I'd be pleased about that wouldn't you BUT when I'm injecting it feels good because i'm doing something +ve towards that illusive BFP. It'll seem wierd when I don't have to stab myself at 6:30pm each day!! Right now I can't even think about egg collection because it scares the living daylights out of me. Oh well, DH and I are going to go for a walk before it rains - its got really windy here and I have a funny feeling we're in for one of those summer storms. Sending lots of love to all of you undergoing fertility treatment or investigations ..... we'll get through this together xxxx

CD7 - Day 22 of downregging Just a quick update before I go to bed. I feel a bit better today - getting it all out in the open certainly made me feel - liberated - if thats the right word. Just one more day to go until my baseline - D'you know - I can't actually believe we're having IVF!! Sometimes I feel scared and sometimes I feel excited!! Anyway - thats it for today xxx