Don't know what to do for the best
Hi, this is probably going to be really long and I know no-one can tell me what to do, just need to get it off my chest and hope people can tell me their own experiences which might help me decide. I've been back at work now for about 4 months and I am really not enjoying my job. I used to love my job before I had Kieran but I have gone back part time and on a different department. I didn't really want to change departments but was forced to because i wanted to go part time and I was prepared to give it a go and make the best of it. But as hard as I try I just can't enjoy this job like I did the last one. It is starting to come to a head now because the new job is making me really stressed and I keep coming home in tears which is not like me at all. My husband keeps telling me to leave and we will find a way to manage but I know that my husbands salery would only pay the bills and we would have nothing left for food, clothes luxuries etc. Now I know wre could manage without the luxuries and could cut down on clothes (apart form for Kieran as he is constantly growing out of stuff) but we need to be able to buy food. Another part of the problem is that my husband is trying to get a promotion but is being criticised because he has to leave on time so that he can get home in time to look after Kieran so I can get to work. So he wants me to take the risk of leaving work so that he can put in the extra hours (unpaid) to impress his bosses and hopefully get a promotion which would solve the money problem. But it is a risk because he still might not get the job and it is likely to be a couple of months yet before the promotion comes up anyway. Also we would like to move house this year and I am worried that me giving up work would jeapordise that although if my DH could get his promotion it would again solve that problem. In my heart I really want to give up work but my head is telling me it is a massive risk. But on the other hand it could actually help my husband to get his promotion. What would you all do in my position? Sorry this has been so long and waffling. Thanks for reading if you have got this far Love Jenny and Kieran 10+months

WOW we seem similar so I can sympathise with you! Emma is 8.5 months and I went back to work 4 weeks ago BUT here's my story (sorry for waffling in advance) I LOVED my full time job BUT when i decided that going back to work when Emma was 5 months wasn't for me I asked for additional maternity leave with no return to work date (well the 52 weeks but not before) and DH and I could survive with the bare minimum ie: bills, and food for the remaining months (4 at least)with the help of selling our unused 2nd car. We did this and then sat down and realised that in order to "have a life" and another baby I had to go back to work but on paper my job was not viable full time or part time and to be honest only a full time wage would have covered my child care expenses etc... and I wouldn't want to lave EMma. I was very lucky in the fact that a local law firm were wanting some full time works 4pm - 11pm due to lack of day time space sp I thought heck why not!! I went for it and got it and now after all the worry of having no job I got a job that ok isn't want I am trained to do BUT it does give me a good ft wage and it also means I spend quality time with Emma and so does Daddy cos he is luckily enough to be able to miss his lunch break and come home earlier to have Emma meaning she gets the best of both os uf. Obvioulsy DH and I don't spend any time together in the week but it does make weekends more special! We too want to move but can't so although not ideal if we have another baby they can share with Emma for a couple of years until we can move..... as my mum always says - you have to make the most if what you have got! I guess what am trying to say is............ if you're worried about lack of money for luxuries stick at your job but look for one that's better or slightly different hours,,,, they are about BUT if you know that DH's money can keep you going until that happens and you are THAT unhappy then leave and keep looking! You need to think of what is best fr the 3 of you as a family unit! DH and I decided that we have our lives forever together so not seeing him every evening for maybe 4 years isn't te be all etc,,, Not sure if it's helped atall but Good Luck x x

Hi Lou Thanks for your reply. I agree with what you say about DH and I having the rest of our lives together and its not so much that that is worrying me. To be honest if I wasn't at work, he probably would work more hours anyway so we wouldn't see any more of each other. I would however get to see more of Kieran and that is the most important thing in the world to me. I have considered looking for another job but in actual fact the hours of my job are about as good as I could hope for anyway. I do 2 evenings 6-10 and I do all day Friday while my aunty looks after Kieran and all day Saturday while my husband is at home. There is the possibility of changing jobs within the company again but it would mean stepping down a grade and therefore taking a pay cut, however I am now seriously considering this option, especially if I can get back onto my old department (although I do wonder how I'll find answering to the person who I trained to do my job before I went on mat leave). The biggest problem I think is that my husband is wanting to further his career and me having a job is standing in the way of that because he is not able to put the hours in. Ultimately I would love to be a stay at home mum which has surprised me because before I had Kieran I was quite career orientated. But I don't want to do it and jeapordise our chances of moving house and obviously i don't want us to struggle for money. I wish we could know for sure that Paul would get his promotion if he was able to put the hours in. His boss has told him it is the main thing standing in his way but there are still no guarantees. Also my main reason for wanting to move is not that I want I bigger house although we probably would get a bigger one, its that we live in a bit of a rough area and I don't want Kieran growing up here. That probably sounds really snobbish of me but all the kids hang around on the end of the street drinking and smoking and I reckon some of them are not much older than about 10 and I don't want him getting into that. This is all just so hard and I don't know what to do for te best. Love Jenny and Kieran 10+months